I was sitting by my room, when I saw St Peter walking toward me waving. He was holding a big book between his arms. He wasn’t smiling. I had reasons to be scared, it was only my first week in heaven, and these guys made mistakes, oh yes they did. The angels had dropped me at the Pearly Gates three days earlier, right after my “incident”. Although I didn’t find it funny, the angels couldn’t stop laughing about it. I mean come on, I just died, have some respect guys! They had told me, half the reason I was going to heaven was because nothing had made the big man laugh like that in a while.
I’ve been settling into the routine and getting used to the bright lights and food. There were group songs and choreographed dance performances, trumpets and all, in praise of the big man every hour. The best part however was that you didn’t have to attend if you didn’t want to. You were free to chill and do your thing. They probably figured we did our time on earth, why pester us after death. So I just went around and met the other folk who live in my block.
Martyrs, saints, clergy and nuns lived on a separate block, they were the ones who coordinated flash mobs and such. The Jesus freaks made up the most of the other blocks. Then there was my block. “The others” as they call us. People in heaven solely because their work on earth influenced the masses to do great good, even though they themselves didn’t. I guess I’m a minority amongst minority, solely here because I made God laugh. Whatever works I say.
Anyway getting back to the now, I was wondering if you could runaway and lay low for a while somewhere in heaven, in case it turned out they did make a mistake. I hadn’t had enough time to explore, but the old timers said the place was infinite, as seen on TV and all! It was too late anyway, St Peter was already at my door.
“Hello son! How are you settling in?” His voice boomed
“Fine Pete… I mean Sir” I squeaked
“Haha good good, I’ve come to apologize” He said
“I … I don’t suppose there was an error” I said, almost a murmur now
“No! Of course not! We never make mistakes! No worries there. It’s just that our good Lord has given me a task and I don’t know who else to approach” He said
“I’ll do absolutely anything” I said with new found vigor.
“See we’re making a few changes to the rules down at earth, and need new ideas”
“I don’t… I mean you already know I wasn’t that pious or anything, you could maybe get one of the popes to do it” I said
“To be completely honest boy, he asked for you by name” St Peter said, sitting down beside me. “I hope you understand the special circumstances under which you were granted entry”
“I understand” I said with a gulp.
“You are familiar with the 7 deadly sins?”
“Of course…I mean not particularity fond of them, I am aware yes.”
“He’d like you to add one more to the list, and bring it to 8” He said casually
“What? That’s an ancient list! I bet the guy who wrote it lives here already”
“The Lord’s will son, he needs a fresh look. You have a week’s time from today. Just let me know when you’re done” And he got up to leave
“Are you sure you don’t have anyone else to ask? Surely there are people better at this than me”
“You have a week! To add one more sin, that’s more than enough time I say. Goodbye now” And he left quickly
After the initial panic wore off, I thought long and hard about why I was allowed into heaven, after all the Sundays I didn’t go to mass, and making fun of Jesus freaks. Actually calling people Jesus freaks could be a sin too, who knows. The only thing worth mentioning I ever did was publishing a book on…..
At that moment, it all came together beautifully, why God laughed, why I was chosen to come to heaven, why I had to be the one to update the list of sins.
I walked to the Gates, where Big Pete sat.
“I’ve got it” I said smugly
“That was quick, I didn’t doubt you for a minute, see God doesn’t make mistakes. Let’s hear it” He said.
“Selfie! Thou shall not take a selfie” I said excitedly smiling
“Haha” his laughter boomed. “You’ll have to make it subtler than that to work it into the New Testament”
“How are you going to do that?” I asked
“You let JC worry about that, he’s the one that works miracles” He said. “And yeah almost forgot to tell you, right after your death, your book hit the Bestseller lists all across the world, you’re world famous now”
Now would be a good time to mention, I had self published a book titled “Let me take a last selfie” and then on a holiday right after, fell backwards off a cliff whilst taking a selfie.
It’s okay, you can laugh, even God did. He hates selfies.
This post is part of the 200 word challenge.
Today’s post inspired byThe Eighth Sin @TheDailyPost